Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
okay pat passed out under dana's car
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
