He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
