I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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