made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
