I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
only if we run a train.
done.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
