Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
