I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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