Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
