What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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