I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
my being single is dangerous.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
