If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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