ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
