You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
