I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
