the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
When are your genitals available?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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