A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
