I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
