Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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