i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
