What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
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she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
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My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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