At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
