whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
