I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She's the barista slut.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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