what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
