In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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