I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
