You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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