So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
