He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
