did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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