I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
