Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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