after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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