Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
my liver is dry heaving
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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