he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
