I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
