Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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