i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
