I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
