I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
