Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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