Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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