i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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