I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
