my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
