evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
