Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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