I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
