I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
