When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize