I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
