just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
