just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize