i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
