i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
