I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
