Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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