Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
