Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
