wakey wakey hands off snakey
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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