So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
