so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
