The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
