You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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