champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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