I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
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