I'm so fucking centered right now
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
